just some thoughts...

First off, here are a few highlights in my life right now:
(To shadow the "low lights"),

a) Beat Metal Gear Solid 3 : Snake Eater today!!! SO AMAZING!
Ahhhh... I want to play 1-4 from start to finish now! Anyone down for a MGS marathon??

b) still stoked for Bioshock 2 and Dead Rising 2 to be released... I'm so ready for those freaking video games to come out, you have *NO* idea.

c) going to start seeing my old psychologist soon, and hoping to get counseling / confidence for preparing to move out and go to college FOR REALS, and with eating anxieties. :)

d) still awaiting the appointment for my wisdom teeth removal... i'm only excited because i still have the eensy weensy little hope michael is going to fly out and visit me...


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So, work hasn't been all too terrible lately. Just kind of crazy with the holidays.
I'm still feeling really lonely lately, but all the people I feel close to and have trust in are far from me. I'm so thankful I have Lyndsey and Cassandra and Andrea, but that's about it, and they are all so busy. We have opposite schedules. But I'm definitely feeling a get together soon.

It's kind of weird I guess. I guess I'm mainly depressed because my one true friend is in Seattle and I'm in the middle of Camas. I have my family but sometimes you need more. I can't tell my family everything I'm feeling. I can't tell my friends everything I'm feeling. I mean, I could, but I hate burdening people like that. I have a journal but I'm always scared to write in it. That fear that someone is going to read it and know what i'm Actually thinking and feeling. And I don't even like looking back and remembering what I was thinking and feeling.

I don't know. I need new friends. New people. A NEW ATMOSPHERE

AHH GET ME OUT OF HERE
and ps- i have decided next time i move out i'm either on my own completely or living with a guy. NOT A BOYFRIEND, but a guy. i think it'd be so much easier. i've always been 'one of the guys', I think it comes from having three brothers that at different times in my life were my best friend. Now I feel like I don't even know them and they don't want to know me. It's sad.

Goodnight