Quietly turning the back door key, stepping outside she is free...

So my most recent song that I can't stop listening to: She's Leaving Home, by the Beatles.

I just realized so many things that I am thankful for.


Wednesday morning at five o'clock as the day begins
Silently closing her bedroom door
Leaving the note that she hoped would say more
She goes downstairs to the kitchen clutching her handkerchief
Quietly turning the backdoor key
Stepping outside she is free.

She (We gave her most of our lives)
is leaving (Sacrificed most of our lives)
home (We gave her everything money could buy)
She's leaving home after living alone
For so many years. Bye, bye

Father snores as his wife gets into her dressing gown
Picks up the letter that's lying there
Standing alone at the top of the stairs
She breaks down and cries to her husband Daddy our baby's gone
Why would she treat us so thoughtlessly
How could she do this to me.

She (We never thought of ourselves)
is leaving (Never a thought for ourselves)
home (We struggled hard all our lives to get by)
She's leaving home after living alone
For so many years. Bye, bye

Friday morning at nine o'clock she is far away
Waiting to keep the appointment she made
Meeting a man from the motor trade.

She (What did we do that was wrong)
is having (We didn't know it was wrong)
fun (Fun is the one thing that money can't buy)
Something inside that was always denied
For so many years. Bye, bye
She's leaving home. Bye, bye


I guess it just made me realize that wow. My parents really have sacrificed most of their lives and done everything they could to make me happy. Literally. They provided me with everything that money could buy. A house, food, heat, furniture, a bed, clothing, etc... and they never once thought of themselves. I hope that I am half the parent my parents have been to me someday.

Today is Veterans Day, and I just want to say my heart is full. I'm emotional because I just wonder what my Grandpa would think if he could see America today. What Keith Bennett would think. That people My age say they would burn the American Flag like it's nothing. Like they don't appreciate the people who have sacrificed their lives and fought so hard for what is Right... They just don't get it.

I feel like we're no longer the Land of the Free, Home of the Brave.
it's the Land of the Free and Home of the Celebrity President now...

just some thoughts...

First off, here are a few highlights in my life right now:
(To shadow the "low lights"),

a) Beat Metal Gear Solid 3 : Snake Eater today!!! SO AMAZING!
Ahhhh... I want to play 1-4 from start to finish now! Anyone down for a MGS marathon??

b) still stoked for Bioshock 2 and Dead Rising 2 to be released... I'm so ready for those freaking video games to come out, you have *NO* idea.

c) going to start seeing my old psychologist soon, and hoping to get counseling / confidence for preparing to move out and go to college FOR REALS, and with eating anxieties. :)

d) still awaiting the appointment for my wisdom teeth removal... i'm only excited because i still have the eensy weensy little hope michael is going to fly out and visit me...


---
So, work hasn't been all too terrible lately. Just kind of crazy with the holidays.
I'm still feeling really lonely lately, but all the people I feel close to and have trust in are far from me. I'm so thankful I have Lyndsey and Cassandra and Andrea, but that's about it, and they are all so busy. We have opposite schedules. But I'm definitely feeling a get together soon.

It's kind of weird I guess. I guess I'm mainly depressed because my one true friend is in Seattle and I'm in the middle of Camas. I have my family but sometimes you need more. I can't tell my family everything I'm feeling. I can't tell my friends everything I'm feeling. I mean, I could, but I hate burdening people like that. I have a journal but I'm always scared to write in it. That fear that someone is going to read it and know what i'm Actually thinking and feeling. And I don't even like looking back and remembering what I was thinking and feeling.

I don't know. I need new friends. New people. A NEW ATMOSPHERE

AHH GET ME OUT OF HERE
and ps- i have decided next time i move out i'm either on my own completely or living with a guy. NOT A BOYFRIEND, but a guy. i think it'd be so much easier. i've always been 'one of the guys', I think it comes from having three brothers that at different times in my life were my best friend. Now I feel like I don't even know them and they don't want to know me. It's sad.

Goodnight